For the Couple
“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
Our relationships can be the source of our greatest joy and our greatest pain. When we feel connected and secure in our relationships, we are able to deal with whatever challenges life brings us. But when our these connections are falling apart, we are miserable, no matter what success we are experiencing in life.
Every relationship reaches a crossroads at one time or another. No relationship is static and never changing, and with change comes needed adjustments and realignment.
It may have been a career change, a significant loss, or perhaps a significant addition such as children. Maybe there was an intentional heartbreaking choice or decision that was made, or a mistake one wishes they could take back.
Whatever the case may be, there are times in every relationship where we begin to experience the drift…the distance…the longing for what was.
We wonder how we got here…feeling more like roommates, or business partners, than lovers and intimate confidants.
Change happens both in a moment and over the course of time.
Today is your moment, you are here…right now. Let’s schedule an appointment and begin a new path today towards the life you desire.
Why do most couples come for counseling?
Most couples come to couple counseling or marriage counseling because they feel a loss of connection and worry they have fallen out of love. They are having problems communicating. Many of them despair saying, “I think my partner is just selfish.” Couples come to therapy because they are repeating negative cycles of criticism and withdrawal. Deep worries about being abandoned or controlled are pulling them apart. Relationship counseling can help stop the demand-withdraw cycle. Many couples are constantly fighting about sex or have shut down intimacy completely.
As couples therapists, we know it can be difficult to admit the need for help. Many couples feel shame about their lack of getting along. They worry that couples counseling will uncover that they are incompatible. Unfortunately, this anxiety often keeps them pretending for 6 years (says the research) before getting the help in therapy that would make them happy again.
Stages of Relationship that need Couples Counseling
- Early relationship– You are in a committed relationship and need skills communicating and understanding each other’s expectations.
- Power-struggle– Anger issues, bickering, fighting, arguing, an increase of negativity and disappointment characterizes daily living.
- Detachment– One or both of you might have lost that “in-love” feeling. You wonder if you have nothing in common anymore and have started to avoid each other. There’s a lack of affection and sex.
- Betrayal– Cheating, emotional affairs, or online infidelity, or suspicious behavior like hiding cell phones/texts/passwords might happen at any stage. And while always a crisis that creates real trust issues, this behavior is often a cry for help in the relationship.
- Perilous– Gottman research says these four symptoms indicate you are close to a break-up/divorce:
- Criticism (like, “I think I just found a selfish person”)
- Contempt (includes name-calling and putdowns)
- Defensiveness (no longer willing to try and deflecting)
- Stonewalling (avoiding and ignoring)
Typical Couple Complaints:
“I’m not sure I ever really loved my partner.”
“My husband doesn’t talk to me anymore.”
“My spouse never wants to have sex.”
“She nags about household chores and doesn’t respect my need for time to myself.”
“He never puts down his phone.” or “She’s on Facebook every night.”
“My partner cheated, and they’re okay but I am still suffering with trust issues.”
“I can’t stand that our kids are growing up hearing us always fighting and arguing.”
I can help! There’s hope! The good news is I have never felt like I have seen a couple without a pathway through to hope. While couples have only seen up close a few relationships in adulthood and one in childhood (maybe a few, if your parents remarried), professional couple counselors have seen thousands of relationships and marriages. We know relationships follow patterns. I use this life-changing information to help you understand how to stop your negative, repetitive cycles and feel connected again. With relationship therapy you can learn to use the love language your partner understands.
Benefits of Couples Counseling
The benefits of couples counseling is helping you discover how to change the negative cycles today! I’ve seen couples on the brink of divorce – radically change – and feel in-love again. And we will help your partner see their part too! Here’s what to expect from couples counseling:
- Get respect, listening, sex, emotional intimacy and deeper connection
- Resolve conflict and stop fighting
- Feel love again
- Feel safe and have constructive conversations
- See and change negative patterns of relating
- Restore trust; affair-proof your marriage
- Teach empathic communication skills beyond mere parroting
- Talk more easily about sex as an important part of the relationship
- Understand most people are discouraged by a lack of relational tools
- Change the childhood blueprint for how relationships work
- Divorce-busting strategies
Reset Your Relationship.
You’re Not Here By Chance.
It’s Time For A Change.
Rediscover Your Partner…
A Treasure Awaits the Brave
I make therapy convenient and easy with evening and weekend availability to fit your busy life.
Clients who work with me appreciate my straightforward and down-to-earth approach.
I will work with you to create a path out of the darkness and back into the light.
If you are here, you know you need help. It’s time for something to change. Schedule a free 15-minute consult today.