Every relationship has its crossroads…
“I’m not sure I ever really loved my partner.”
“My husband doesn’t talk to me anymore.”
“My spouse never wants to have sex.”
“She nags about household chores and doesn’t respect my need for time to myself.”
“He never puts down his phone.” or “She’s on Facebook every night.”
“My partner cheated. They’re okay, but I’m still suffering from trust issues.”
“I can’t stand that our kids are growing up listening to our fights and arguments.”
How lonely the nights have become…
You used to enjoy evenings of laughter, conversation, and closeness. You couldn’t wait to get home to be together and feel that connection – that love in the air.
Now, you find your partner scrolling on their phone as you watch some reality show.
When you try to have simple conversations, they wind up causing hurt and frustration, causing even more disconnection and loneliness.
If you’re not sleeping in separate rooms, it feels like it.
It’s as though there are miles between you, and a deep well of sorrow and hopelessness aches inside.
You’re not sure how you got here…
Our relationships can be the source of our greatest joys and pains. When we feel connected and secure in our relationships, we can deal with whatever challenges life brings us. But when our connections are falling apart, we’re miserable, no matter what success we are experiencing in life.
If you’re reading this, you’ve likely been experiencing a drift toward loneliness for a while.
You wonder how you became roommates instead of lovers – business partners instead of intimate confidants. Maybe it was a career change, a significant loss, or another big life event like having children.
Whatever happened, here you are, trying to return to the times when laughter and love ruled.
Most couples come to couple counseling or marriage counseling…
…because they feel a loss of connection and worry they have fallen out of love. They are having problems communicating.
Many are in despair, saying things like, “I think my partner is just selfish.”
Couples come to therapy because they repeat negative criticism and withdrawal cycles. They’re being pulled apart by deep worries of being abandoned or controlled.
Other couples are constantly fighting about sex or have shut down intimacy completely.
Many couples feel shame about their lack of getting along or worry that couples counseling will uncover they are incompatible. Unfortunately, that anxiety often keeps them pretending for years (about six years, according to the research) before getting the help in therapy that would make them happy again.
Here’s a typical progression of relationships that end up in therapy…
You are committed to the relationship but could use some communication skills and understanding of each other’s expectations.
Anger issues, bickering, fighting, arguing, negativity, and disappointment characterize daily living.
One or both of you might have lost that “in-love” feeling. You wonder if you still have anything in common or may have started to avoid each other. There’s a lack of affection and sex.
Cheating, emotional affairs, online infidelity, or suspicious behavior like hiding cell phones/texts/passwords might happen at any stage. These crises create real trust issues, but these behaviors are often a cry for help in the relationship.
Gottman’s research says the following four symptoms indicate you are close to a breakup or divorce: criticism (e.g., “I think I ended up with a selfish person.”), contempt (e.g., name-calling or putdowns), defensiveness (e.g., no longer willing to try and deflect), and stonewalling (e.g., avoiding and ignoring).
Good news! There is hope. Help is here!
Let us help you and your partner…
Understand and change your negative relational patterns…
Instead of spiraling down a negative cycle where you each feed off the other and nothing gets resolved, we take a step back. We adopt a posture of curiosity about ourselves and our partner. We begin to see deeper into the underlying issues that need to be addressed. The heartfelt needs that can lead to deeper connection and understanding when attended to by the other.
Resolve conflict without fighting…
Conflicts are an opportunity for connection if handled appropriately. During our time together, we’ll examine better ways of communicating that lead to repairing the relationship when an injury has occurred. We’ll look at specific tools and practical approaches you can implement to draw you closer rather than drive a wedge between you.
Feel safety, trust, love, and intimacy again…
You don’t want to be just roommates. It’s not what you signed up for in this relationship. Safety, security, and stability are vital to creating an environment where trust, love, and intimacy flourish. Listening to your partner’s needs and desires is just as important as communicating your own needs and desires. We’ll tackle both sides of this equation, the when, where, how, and whys, to help you feel the relational closeness again.
And we will help your partner see their part, too!
All relationships involve at least two people. Each person plays an equal part in the relationship dynamics and can influence the outcome of your efforts toward developing intimacy and connection. We will work to discover and detail each of the contributing factors to what is currently causing discord and disconnection in your relationship. Once identified, clear objectives are discussed, and appropriate next steps are determined to get you back on track to the life you desire to have together.
Empathize and have constructive conversations…
So many lack emotional vocabulary that it becomes very difficult to connect with and understand themselves or anyone else. We tackle this together through strategic exercises that help you gain more self-awareness and the ability to communicate your deeper thoughts, emotions, and desires. These strategic exercises also help you become more adept at picking up what’s truly happening with your partner when they appear upset. These daily routines can fundamentally change the entire outcome of your conversations and create momentum for connection
Get the tools you need to keep your relationship thriving…
While there may be deeper issues and plenty of medical science behind what we will have you do, we aim to keep things extremely practical and aligned with where you are and what you desire to obtain in your relationship. Nothing is a cookie-cutter approach. Everything is tailored to fit you and your current circumstances. We work together to find what works best for you and how to implement it in a way that honors your journey and helps you get what you seek.
Let’s divorce – and affair – proof your relationship.
Relationships follow patterns. We understand those patterns and can help you disrupt them before it’s too late.
I have seen thousands of relationships and marriages, and I’ve NEVER seen a couple I thought was hopeless. I’ve seen couples on the brink of divorce make radical changes and end up feeling in love again.
I know it can be hard to reach out for help, but you need it, and you’re here… in the right place.
Now is the time… right now!
Let’s schedule your free consultation and put you back on the path to love: (480) 908-7898.